Her

Based on an actual dream. Short movie script.

“With hunger at her heels, freedom in her eyes, 
  she dances on her knees, pirate prince at her side.”  ~Wild Child 

Poem

“Beyond yonder mountains and hills of plain
The sharpest knife does sooth the pain,
A dozen -fair maiden tried their hand’s in vain
Thy demons – lie for centuries slain
A love far great’er than all the gold in the west,
To lust for life – a deceitful test ,
To lay pillow’d on my fair love’s breast,
Nothing forever more shall suffice,
To put to bed – man’s penurious vice,
still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever – else swoon to death”

~Gaurav Krishnan

Narration –
As I walk around on my way to nowhere I stop to look at the faces that pass .

I hope to find sweet delight,
I hope to find that angelic face that from darkness gives me light,
I know inside that she will make me feel okay,
make me feel alright.

The face that will give me just a brief moment of serenity in this fast paced madness.

As I wander, as I think, I look around in search of her. The one who will call out to me from the crowd.

With long brown hair, eyes as deep as the ocean and luscious lips as pink as rose wine. She  calls out to me from the crowd.

I smile. For to just hear her voice call out to me is beautiful.

As she draws closer, my breath begins to fail me and my heart begins to beat faster, racing like a hundred horses prancing their way forward.

She comes close and hugs me tight. There is a brief moment of silence as we smile at each other.

We kiss. Like long lost lovers meeting again.

Then she says,
“Here, hold my hand and take me somewhere”

“But where do we go?”, I reply

“Somewhere by the sea, Gaurav”, she says

“That would be perfect” I reply

I hold her hand and smile.

We get into the car and I turn on my stereo… The doors are playing, Jim Morrison’s voice echoes through the sound system.

“Let’s swim to the moon,
Let’s climb through the tide,
Penetrate the evening that the city sleeps to hide, 
Let’s swim out tonight, love
It’s our turn to try
Parked beside the ocean
On our moonlight drive ” 

I look at her and she is perfect, she is the most beautiful woman in the world, her hair which follows her every motion, her body which is carved like a work of art by michealangelo, her tiny hands which are firmly tangled up in mine.

I love her for she see’s in me what others didn’t, what others neglected, what others left for dead.

My mind, torn apart by the dark, destructive side of my nature longs for her.

The one who will make it all go away, all the bullshit.

She isn’t anyone from my past, they left me for dead, without so much of a whisper so I think of them as dead to me as well.

When she turns to me and looks at me I can feel her looking right into the depths of my tainted soul.

My soul which yearns for her.

And she comforts me with love I haven’t felt for centuries.

She is perfect in her every movement, and I fall in love with her more and more with every one of them.

My soul is old, broken and tired of everything. But when I look at her I want to live.

For nobody else but her.

And when she goes away  the shit starts again.

She gives me meaning. She gives me purpose. To love, care, provide and adore.

Nobody else.

She is all I need.

The one’s who thought they could be her and  left me for dead, will remain buried in the cemetery of my mind.

She is the picture of perfection.

With a heart and soul of gold.

And I would ask for nothing more in return.
Except her. All of her. Nothing more.
In this one lifetime I would spend my whole life devoted to only her.

Nobody else will come close.

And I would wipe off her tears and be her only.

And she would heal those deep wounds that nobody else could cure.

I would die for her, a thousand deaths for she saves me from the madness of my self-destructive mind.

It all begins to flash in my head, my past, all of it, the violence, the syringes,

the people, all of them, their lies, screaming in my head,

I hate it, I hate them – they weren’t there when I needed them the most.

My demons.

They torment me forever.

‘Fuck, make it stop’ I think a loud

“What’s the matter?” she asks sounding concerned.

Her voice makes it all go away.

“Nothing” I reply and smile.

She makes it all go away, just like that.

She is the one.
Till the end of time.
And I would choose her, in every life, I would find her and choose her.

We get to my house by the ocean.

We go outside onto the beach.

The moon reflects on the ocean, shimmering on the surface beneath the starlit sky.

I reach out to her and hold her by the waist,

“Do you want to dance with me?”

She giggles, “Yes”

We dance right there on the beach, beneath the moonlight.

Its perfect. I don’t want it to end.

She saves me.

For the fuck of it.

She turns to me and says softly as we dance.

“Gaurav, why do you love me?” she asks, her voice calming the tide.

“Because you’re the one”

~Fin

~Written by Gaurav Krishnan

 

 

 

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Breaking down Karma

I read an interesting article the other day about Karma and how it works. Now I respect each individual’s beliefs and I respect each person’s idea of religion,spirituality or whatever it may be, to each his own and so on. Coming from a website in the western world about a very Indian concept I had to write something about it.

Karma comes from the Sanskrit and later Hindi word  कर्म , which basically means means action, work or deed.

The concept of karma in Hinduism developed and evolved over centuries. The earliest Upanishads began with the questions about how and why man is born, and what happens after death. As answers to the latter, the early theories in these ancient Sanskrit documents include pancagni vidya (the five fire doctrine), pitryana (the cyclic path of fathers) and devayana (the cycle-transcending, path of the gods). Those who do superficial rituals and seek material gain, claimed these ancient scholars, travel the way of their fathers and recycle back into another life; those who renounce these, go into the forest and pursue spiritual knowledge, were claimed to climb into the higher path of the gods. It is these who break the cycle and are not reborn.

“Karma in Buddhism also is action. Action in the form of the thinking. Thinking is acting. Speaking is acting. And doing things is acting. And every act has a result. That is Karma. And nothing can be lost. It continues always. The shameful action continues as bad karma and if you perform positive actions or positive Karma, it will continue very well”

The concepts of karma and karmaphala explain how our intentional actions keep us tied to rebirth in samsara (suffering) , whereas the Buddhist path, as exemplified in the Noble Eightfold Path, shows us the way out of samsara.

Every thought you think is an energy simply because it is a chemical energy produced in the neurons of your brian. It is an energy that you send out there into the universe. And nothing is lost. In Zorastrian culture they keep a small pouch (This is called the gireh-ban) that they tie along their hearts or centre of their chests and they believe essentially the same thing that every thought you think is recorded and kept for the time of judgment when you die. And again nothing is lost. They believe in good thought, good word and good deed. Which is essentially good karma. 

Every thing you say and every action you perform is also a determinant of your karma, if you say and perform good it will keep the cycle of karma positive. Again another concept is about selfishness and selflessness as you think or perform. Essentially you cannot trick the system. If you do good and expect good to come back to you in your thought, word or deed it will not work.  The important distinction is that your actions be selfless. You cannot preform kindnesses and compassionate acts with the expectation of expecting anything in return. SELFLESS. If you do something ‘good’ to get ‘good’ back, this is an inherently selfish action, and in the end unproductive.

“Think, act and speak, so Karma should be understood in a positive way also. To produce a type of loving kindness, compassion and understanding is a wonderful Karma that can bring happiness to so many people. To say something that inspires confidence and remove doubt and suffering, that is wonderful Karma. And to do something to help people suffer less, that’s wonderful Karma, and that Karma we encourage, and the Buddha or elightened Brahman always will produce this Karma during his whole life.” – Thich Nhat  Hanh

So Karma should not be seen only as something negative. Why the negative Karma should not be continued, should not continue the cycle of Samsara. The good Karma should be included to be reborn and reborn because if you practice love and kindness, you produce love and kindness in your child, in your student. And if he continues, if she continues, she will practice love and kindness and will transmit to her children and that is why we encourage the continuation, the rebirth of the good things. We only want to discourage the continuation and the rebirth of bad Karma.

Karma goes to the extent that  it determines your next birth and next life as well. Do good and you will be reborn with comfort, wellness and wealth. Do bad and you will be reborn in to hardship, suffering and poverty. All those you see who are currently suffering in his life is a direct result of their karma. The cumulative actions, thoughts and deeds of the soul throughout its lifetime is judged and rewarded or punished from one birth to the next until moksha or attainment of liberation.

Good and bad are highly charged words, this gives them too much ‘weight’ outside of their very subjective meanings. The more emotion and energy we pour into words and concepts, they change from their original context into personalized behemoths of our mind.
The wheel of Samsara (suffering) is always spinning. Nothing can or should ever even attempt to stop it. We encounter suffering and have two options. Turn it into a productive or unproductive experience. Learn from the mistakes we make, or continue to repeat them; lamenting our station in life. Forgive those who have hurt you and never keep a grudge or keep the cycle of unnecessary pain going.

As you go through your current life and form, you are blessed with a multitude of experiences that you can be productive or unproductive with. How you choose to live your life will dictate your current and your next.

A person who has spread happiness, joy while helping others throughout has lived productively and shall be duly rewarded in this life and the next, that is our dharma or duty. Whereas a person who has spread pain, evil and suffering shall be punished in this life or the next.

The soul is reborn into various bodies, those of animals, birds and so on – The human birth is the biggest gift and is a result of good karma in the previous life. The ultimate aim in life is moksha or freedom from samsara and the cycle of births and deaths while esentially doing good.

A perfect soul is that one that attains freedom from the cycle.

According to Karma, we should stop trying to control everything in life. Deal with what you are handed and help your neighbor when you can. The eventual sum of your actions are beyond what you can understand in your mortal form. Don’t limit your future by mixing in your fears and desires and resulting in a bad experience.

Break free eventually and spread the good thought word and deed and pay it forward to your friends,students, children and family so they may perform the same as well and keep the cycle positive.

Think, do and speak well and good at all times it will help you keep the energy flowing toward righteousness.

Have a great weekend and blessed life.

Aim for the samadhi state of conciousness.

Take care.

Love, joy and light.

Gaurav

 

Die Fly

 

In the old days I would say,  “Come sit, Spark that shit” or “Take a hit” when someone came to meet me. I was high and mighty back in the day, sitting on my bean bag like it was my throne in my room on the top floor of a duplex penthouse in Manipal. My room opened on to the terrace which was a fantastic eagle’s eye view of all of the quaint little town. Fuckin loved that house. People would come up to meet me and listen to my ideas and that’s how I would greet them, make them sit and take a hit with me before we discussed business. Almost like a psuedo-mafioso except missing them kissing the ring -Don Corleone and Tony Montana would have been proud. We practically controlled the maal supply in Manipal and our cupboards would be full of half and quarter kilos of green. Haha, those were the good days.

I was in love with a beautiful, fun-loving, cheerful and amazing girl who loved me a lot too or at least that’s what I thought and I would go meet her religiously once and month or two in Bangalore. Yeah mostly from hustled money. Life was perfect. After we broke up there was another who I really liked, she was the cutest.We had a wild time in Manipal all those parties , I was stoned 2 years straight ! Haha. We broke up to , she cheated on me with a prick who we ragged and made lick our shoes. Talk about bad choices – A thing all me exes have in common. Haha, It’s the truth you’ll know it. A lot of random flings through the years as well. Love life was one giant drama basically – I learned a lot. One other thing – they fucked me more in the head than where they were supposed too. Fuck ’em

Anyway, I played football every fucking day and Dj-ed at the local pub at night. I was almost like a celebrity in college, everyone the fuck knew me even if I did’nt know them and as we reveled the night away drowned in alcohol and mary jane – It was an insane party man and everything about life was fucking fantastic.

The swagger with which I walked around in those days was un-paralleled. King of the world. I had the world at my feet as I headed into my final project semester.

Then I fucked it all up with drug addiction and shit basically hit the fan. All those Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings where I would say , “Hi, I’m Gaurav and I’m a drug addict” those mindfucking 12 steps. And when I was thrown into the dumps – not a soul – not a single person was there to have my back.My family shunned me. The girl – showed her true colours and never called me since. So much for love. So much for friends. So much for family. They all showed me their true colours. Fuck ’em

I was rotting in jail cells(3), correctional facilities(2) and the works man, life became hell and it was devastating, mentally. I couldn’t take it I broke down – Into a million little pieces. So much for high and mighty, eh.

But thats just life – Nobody knows you when you’re down and out – Lesson Learned.

After a lot of therapy , reading and spending time getting in touch with my soul and connecting with the higher power – the almighty. (Om namah Shivaya) “In a daze coz I found God” ~Nirvana.

And not to mention one failed suicide attempt, yes it’s true, no shame in admitting it – Darkest hour of my life. Drank a bottle, downed some cough syrup – Cut myself multiple times and tied a noose to the fan, almost stepped off the bed only to back out at the last second. One step or if I slipped, I would’ve been no more. No more Gaurav Krishnan. Eat that all of you that loved me.

To all my exes – I fucking loved you’ll. We could have been something spectacular. But when I needed you’ll the most you’ll showed me your true nature. You listened to the others and didn’t flinch when I tried to get through to you’ll. I was at my darkest hour. Just a lousy message or a call to just ask me how I was and how I had been and it would have saved me from doing all that shit to myself. I would’ve probably broke down on the phone and told you everything. But what did you’ll do? just think to yourselves- Shame on you’ll man , yuck to think I fucking ever loved you’ll. Yuck, I’m just sorry for your souls man just sorry – I pity you’ll. I’ve seen your pictures. You’ll look lovely, but empty yeah I can see it in your eyes as you’ll are empty because I’m not by your side anymore and I’m never coming back – Go on and live in this facade that you put on along with your make up. I looked at you’ll all those years ago in bed and saw right into your souls and told you’ll how beautiful you’ll were( you’ll were angels) and how perfect we were together and how much you’ll meant to me. And this is how I got repayed. I almost died bhenchod. I almost died let that sink in for a second. Never again. Not happening, Not in this life. Fuck, seriously never again.  Don’t  even try to call me or get in touch with me. Ever. “This is the end beautiful friend – I’ll never look into your eyes again” Yeah and those videos sit and lock yoursleves when you’re alone and play them over and over see the life in my eyes and the life in my words – That’s what was one step away from being gone. And you’ll are never seeing that ever again. And guess what, I’m back from the depths of hell and I’m stronger than ever. I’m going to find her and she’s going to be the one for me and it’s not going to be you. It’s not going to be us. Like you always wanted and still do. Eat my words, love.

Anyway 6 years later, I’ve bounced back like a Michael Jordan slam fucking dunk in over-time.

I’m running a fantastic enterprise, making all the right moves  in the city that I love, growing steadily and once again I have the whole world at my feet, just like the old days.

My story will be told in a book I’m writing called – Unbeatable – but all I want to say is to all the people out there battling life and going through addiction, poverty, everyday mindfuck and living in hell basically. whatever it is.

It’s all upto you. No matter what you go through, however bad it may be. It’s upto you how you take it – Let it get to you, succumb to it and be defeated – Or take it to those son’s of bitches who pulled you down and ridiculed you and fight! Fucking fight ! However difficult it may be, fucking fight and go on and show the world what the fuck you’re made of.

There’s always a way out. The easy way is to give in to it. I know how bad it can be- Screaming into the vast nothingness for help and nothing the fuck answers. Even if its the only thing you can do. Attack your problems grab that fucking bull by its horns.

Stay, Breathe, Be strong.

Live, Fight, Take it.

And most of all,

Die Fly .

 

With love

Gaurav.

Bang this #doof

 

 

 

It was all a dream or was it a nightmare?

Intro-
Cold. Numb. Tired. Can’t Sleep. I should feel something. No Remorse. Listening. G2GR. WITC. Need something. Light Cigarette. Inhale. Exhale. Watch the smoke.

Play next track. Listening to the seconds hand of my clock tick. Stare at ceiling. Blow out circles. Think. Write

It’s 2.40 am I can’t sleep, I’m writing because its the only thing that will tire me and hopefully I fall asleep. I’m smoking my 8th cigarette in the last hour and a half. Will I get cancer? Fuck knows. I mean it’ll be painful if I do but we all gotta go somehow, someday right?

As I listen to the beats bar by bar I can feel myself slowly nodding my head and enjoying the sounds hitting my ear drums sending the signals into my brain, playing with it almost.

The dark thoughts begin to creep in. I smile.

About death, which is on my mind right now, ok I’m not thinking about suicide, been there done that, Ha. You have too, don’t fucking lie. You’re human, you’ve thought about it at least once. Anyway well I view it in a way probably nobody else does. You won’t get it.
It’s that ever elusive moment that is uncertain, unplanned for coming swiftly one sudden moment and then its over. You’re liberated. It’s beautiful. It’s freedom. I mean we spend our whole lives trying to stop it, but what the fuck is the point? It’s going to happen one fine day, yeah hope it’s a fine day and not a shitty one, wouldn’t want to go out on a shitty one. Anyway what I’m trying to say is, it’s something that you must embrace. It’s something you must accept. The day you accept death as the eventuality and not be scared about it, is the day you are truly free. It’s that moment that is inevitable and no amout of effort or preparation can prepare you for it. It’s the one moment that I’m eager to face. No I don’t have a death wish. But like I said you won’t get it.

Maybe I took Jim Morrison too seriously, but he got it and I relate to that. His lyrics, his poetry, his life, with that dark edge. He fucking got it, just like I do. I mean honestly what the fuck? Doesn’t all this get to you at times? It’s monotonous, dreary, dull, boring, the same old shit, chasing after the moolah every single breath of your life and then what? So you did it, you became successful, and then what? What the fuck are you going to spend it on? Houses, Clothes Cars, A Boat, A plane, Hookers, a fucking washing machine? Exactly, you just quietly wait for the day you die.

So you get the drift? What is there to fear about it so much? Fucking pussies, its going to happen. It’s not in your control. So embrace it and accept it. Embrace and accept. And live every moment like your next breath is your last. I mean look at the clock. What do you see? You probably see the time like everybody else, Ohh next fucking appointment, next thing to do, fuck that. I look at the seconds ticking away and think there look, this is my life ending one second at a fucking time and what the fuck am I doing about it? Huh?.

Might as well light that cigarette and puff it for a bit. That fucking sun is going to rise and set again and again and again till the end of time and you’re just going to wither away and fade into mother earth. People die, life goes on, nobody truly gives a shit whether you’re here one day and gone the next they’ve got their own shit to deal with. People, after every single death since the beginning of mankind follow the same pattern, they’ll mourn for a bit, they’ll cry,  people will console them, give it a couple of months and life goes on. Give it 6 and they’re back to the everyday struggle. You get my point, life is cheap. It isn’t worth much. So there’s no point being so paranoid about dying. Fucking relax enjoy your life while it lasts, dumbasses, don’t take measures trying to prolong your life or stop death. Just breathe and let it flow.

 

 
We’re the middle children of history, we’ve got no purpose,no place, we got no obligation to live, we’ve don’t owe anybody anything, we’ve got no great war, we’ve got no great depression, our great war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives. We’ve been raised on television and advertising which has made us vicious consumers, making us buy shit we don’t need to the point where they make us think we can’t live without those things, meanwhile the corporations are getting fatter bank balances and higher sales while some dickhead sitting in a corner office on the top floor of some massive building gets a fatter paycheck which he is going to spend on a brand new car for his bimbo of a wife who has fake tits and bad breath, and then another dick head a greedy little analyst on wall street is seeing all this unfold not because the first dickhead told him but the financial statements all check the little check markers and its a brilliant investment, so he tells his boss so he can get a raise, meanwhile his boss who is a cocaine snorting hedge fund manager who has diabetes and dreams of emulating warren buffet decides to buy more shares and pump in more money into the machine and guess what that very same corporation that sold you the shit you dint need gets more funds to put the same products and advertisements out there. And the cycle continues. Ok so I guess Osama Bin Laden, sitting watching his tv screen and those shitty ads dubbed in arabic, got  wind of all this and decided fuck it lets send a plane through their fucking world trade center and then see how it fucking functions, can’t blame the guy.

It’s not the 1920’s or the 1940’s Hitler is dead. People don’t ride horses to work anymore. It’s fucking 2016 we have Elon Musk sending shit into space for fun and making electric vehicles down on earth. It’s the information age, where every kid with a laptop and a dream has access to millions of gigabytes of data and after he jacks off to some hot blondes in a threesome can virtually decide whether he wants to read up on the exact same system and decide what he can do to be part of it or on the flipside he can hack into the fucking bank accounts of those very same corporations and fund the next batch of arms for his brothers and comrades so they can bomb the fuck out of their rival nations for more oil. What the fuck do you think ISIS does? It’s planned, organized violence for oil and money nothing more fueled by the greed of their corrupt leaders who have in all probability been created by the United States to do exactly just that. The God part of it and Jihad is just the facade. At the very same moment a soldier is saying goodbye to his wife and son knowing he’s not coming back because he’s going straight into that hell hole in the name of freedom and fighting for what he thinks is mindless terrorism and not a worldwide conspiracy and racket for – guess what more money and oil.

Meanwhile, innocent people are fleeing countries like Syria because guess what that kid with the laptop just bombed their kitchen and the little babies in their family have gone permanently deaf. If aids, swine flu, malaria or ebola doesn’t kill them the journey into Europe will.
It’s a sick fucking twisted world we live in. And you are more worried about when you are going to impress that hot girl you like and eventually get laid or better yet get married in an big fat fucking indian wedding. Ohh that would be nice wouldn’t it?

While more and more people mindlessly log onto facebook just liking the fuck out of your wedding pictures and everything else and dreaming of the day they get to attend that big enagement party with all those fake, judgemental, pretty little liars of women who want a prince charming to marry them too or maybe travel on that fucking boat popping a bottle of Dom Perignon just like the picture they liked with tank top and ray ban wearing dickhead Bob who posted it on his vacation with Daddy’s money who incidentally is the same dickhead who was sitting in that corner office of the corporation that sold you the shit you could have easily done without in the first place. You feel me?

It’s a viscious never ending cycle, of consumerism and corrupt politics and propaganda which will go on whether you decide to hang yourself or not and there’ll be people who probably think I’m crazy but this is the truth. Righteousness is overrated and the world is the giant machine that spits out new ideas to marginalize the poor further and use the middle class to work as mindless slaves to put more money into the pockets of the
top 1% of the global population for whom every single policy in every single government is made all over the world. It’s a central bank run worldwide government where every single politician is a mere puppet and if the Bilderbergs don’t like any one of the politicians he’s dead just like that while they discuss worldwide propaganda in that secret hotel in Amsterdam every year. And those private banks well they plunge you and me into more and more personal debt because guess what they made you buy shit that you dint need buy borrowing it and that colossal debt ceiling in every country is just raised and raised seemingly into infinity because the money that they were printing is just a series of glorified IOUs and is created out of nothing ! It has no gold to back it up like the old days and it’s just printed and printed into infinity and once and once the debt ceiling is hit they’ll just raise it again and print more again and again and again.
When the supply of notes exceeds demand,inflation will increase and things get more and more expensive for lesser quantity so even that poor guy on the street cant buy the bread he could buy for lesser earlier.

So you see we might as well have another Hitler because then at least then we have some purpose.

World War III is inevitable and maybe we wont see it in our lifetime or maybe we will regardless, in all likelihood our future generations will when there is a mad scramble for resources that we constantly deplete each day in the distant future  and that is when the Kali Yuga will come into its true light and chaos will reign supreme.

It’s all heading toward annihilation of each other in one way or the other and nothing we do can stop it. Resources will deplete eventually in the far far distant future and if we are unlucky enough to be born that time we’re fucked.

So drink up and eat hearty, hold your little kids tight and tell them a nice bed time story because in the morning that fucking sun rises again and the shit starts again.

I can just hear you say all this is fine but what can we do about it?
Exactly,
Nothing!! That’s my point !

Here’s to making money and dying!

Money, it’s a gas, Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash,
Money, get back, I’m all right Jack keep your hands off of my stack
Money, it’s a hit Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit

Peace out ! Good night!

Music – What it means to me and what I intend to do

Well firstly let me say writing a blog is kick ass fun, I never thought I could maintain one or kill so much time writing one, It’s fucking epic even if I’m talking shit through my ass. Okay I kid, I talk sense. Keep it sensible always haha.

Secondly, I can hear a voice in my head saying jeez enough with the posts about life already, okay its getting a bit much I agree.

Now let me see where do I start. I fucking love music. Music is what the world needs more of. It’s my passion and listening and producing is my favourite pass time. It’s liberating, it’s uplifting, it’s beautiful, it’s universe’s language.  I cannot find enough adjectives to describe music, it’s just fucking fantastic.

As a listener I listen to every genre from Jazz to Rock to classical western and hindi and even carnatic and foreign, I don’t brush aside any genre as I did in my teens I keep an open mind and wide open ears listening to the majesty of the notes bouncing off my ear drums sending the magic being played straight to my brain for further delight.

As a kid growing up when I was 4 and 5 I would sing the latest Bollywood numbers to my family and they would all make me sing more and more. I clearly remember singing the songs of Baazigar, yeah that movie with Shahrukh. Okay I was a little munchkin I had no clue about anything but I took a liking to the tunes even at that age.

Ok we all went through a Backstreet Boys, Westlife phase no shame in admitting it. They were huge in India at about that time. Listening to Barbie Girl, Mojo – Lady(Damn I still love that track), Michael Jackson etc at my parents Round Table parties and those other shady 90s songs. A bit of hindi thrown into the mix here and there as well. Ok this was shitty music I agree but those were the early years when I had no clue about anything and I was busy playing football for school pretty much all the time.

As I grew older I began to seriously listen to music from the age of 11.  I discovered this website allofmp3.com which was a russian pirate website you could download music at low bit rate and there I had in front of me every single genre.
I discovered Hip Hop, Rap and Eminem at about that time and I still distinctly remember going to the casette store and buying his cassette The Eminem Show. What a fucking album! I bajjed that every the fuck where I went. Slim Shady and his twisted world and lyrics raged through my head phones and walk man

Hip Hop and Rap predominated my listening – 2pac, Biggie, 50 cent, Game, G-unit were huge in school at the time. Then came the punk rock phase Greenday,Sum41 (Haha I’m playing hell song right now as I type this just for kicks), Blink 182, The Ramones, Bowling for Soup, etc I could go on but my memory is failing me. Rock-  Metallica, Audioslave, Staind, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Linkin Park, Motorhead. Ok Im not going to just list down artists and bands. The Metal phase – System of A Down, Opeth, Megadeath, Iron Maiden, Zero the Indian band I still remember going for their gigs at Razz in Bombay with my buddies Niyati and Alisha. Rap Metal – Rage Against the Machine, Limp Bizkit. Alternative- Radiohead,Coldplay, etc etc Grunge – Nirvana etc etc. Any video game track anything on NFS or Fifa. ok for some reason my memory is failing me right now and I can’t list down all my favourite bands . But it wasn’t until I discovered classic rock that I blossomed into a 60’s maniac. The Doors, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Hendrix, Cream, Lynard Skynard CSNY, The Stones, every rare 60s and 70s band starting with ‘The’ it went on basically anything 60’s and I fucking loved the tunes again my memory is failing me and I can’t recollect all the band names.

As I went to college in my late teens to manipal I became the Dj at the local pub DeeTee (a legendary watering hole for all MIT and Manipal students). It was an honour and a tradition that was passed down from one generation of the MIT football team to the next. I would play every other night THE BEST fucking music -I would start off with classic mix with modern and metal after 9 play hip hop for the ladies and end with classic rock again.
I used to love playing old numbers and classics and I kept listening to more and more music all the way.

Oh yeah then came the Psy phase a lot of repititive thundering beats at 130+ bpm and all those Acid trips in Goa and Manipal and shrooms ok lets not leave out the shrooms. Bhenchod it was epic. All those artists we tripped to, some great memories. LSD probably changed my perspective on a lot of things in life, I had never experienced music the way I did on acid and it literally changed everything. Anyway I’m not going to describe my trips here it’s for my book.

I kept listening to and learning more about Djing and mixing. I went through 3 Ipods and Gigabytes and Gigabytes Of music listening every step of the way.

Trip Hop and Trance and Psy Ambient took me to other levels when I was high on pot.

I began producing a bit in my college days mixing house and techno by 2011 using traktor and virtual dj.

I currently amatuer produce at home with magix music maker and ableton.

Anyway I’m getting a bit lazy writing after this long day and  I could go on but I need to watch the Chelsea game tonight (Cmon you blues!) long story short, I’ve started my own youtube channel and I intend to make it popular and probably get those underground intsrumental hip hop artists down for gigs here once the channel gains popularity. Also as I’ve mentioned I’m going to enroll into music school to perfect production and I’ll see where that takes me I’ll be learining music theory and history and believe it or not the keyboard (fuck knows how I’m going to learn it at 25!). I’ll be learning films scoring, orchestrating, arranging electives include sound engineering modules and djing.  Im super kicked about it and I’m paying for it on my own.

I’ve taken a lot from music in life through the years but now it’s time I create my own and give back and we’ll see where music takes me. It’s going to be EPIC.

One day I’m going to be up there as a great producer!

Have a good night!

Cheers!

It was a musical thing

~A piece about living and breaking free.

I’ve always said that life is short and we must live to the fullest every single day of our lives because you never know when the end is. ‘The future is uncertain and the end is always near’ ~Jim Morrison and The Doors

Life is that ever perplexing gift giving to us from our parents, from the time of our birth, we don’t know what to make of it or why it has happened. We’re born into a particular family, in some country somewhere in the world. And we’re supposed to go on and do great things or at least that’s what our family expects of us instead of ultimately fading away in to anonymity which more often than not ends up happening.

We adhere to rules and follow a certain code only to find out that we would be much better off if we didn’t and just lived wild and carefree searching, exploring and getting in touch with our inner selves. Our ultimate purpose is to become ourselves as life weaves its way forward ‘Become yourself because the past is just a goodbye’ ~Crosby, Stills,Nash and Young.

I’m talking about living your life to your utmost capability and I’m talking about living each moment with that sort of ardent fervor that even the most harshest of circumstances couldn’t dim down that fire of excitement burning in your eyes.

Fucking hell, take the shit that happens, don’t get too crestfallen by it, for fucks sake don’t complain so much about it and live with that childish enthusiasm that you felt in your youth.  ‘The feeling of salt water on your sunburnt legs,the memory of how it felt to be a child, sometimes the water is yellow, sometimes is red, but what colour it may be depends on the day, don’t tell the story the way it happened, tell it the way you remember it’ ~Unkown

We live so strictly and are prisoners to the choices that we make and we feel like we can’t go back or change once we’ve made that choice. But you can , you can do whatever the fuck you want, as long as there’s time to change it. Follow your heart and don’t let your voice get drowned by the voice of others as you make your choices. Don’t listen to them, go inward and do things that echo with your inner soul.

They told you to follow a certain pre-determined path – you know the education, the job
the usual, get married early, settle down, raise a family, the usual pre-determined way they lived and wanted you to do the same.  What they didn’t allow you to do was live and grow and figure it out for yourself. They didn’t let you feed off that uncertainty of freedom and channelise it into sculpting that perfect life for yourself the way you wanted it to be and the way you dreamed it would be.

They made you adhere to the same pattern of life they followed whilst inside your soul yearned for much more. With all the propaganda and lies around the world moulded you into a lifeless soldier fighting a war which was nothing but the silent orders given to you by the rest of society. They made you conform to their way of life and you didn’t  even flinch or fight back.

Then when you wake up one day about forty years old, you say “My God! I’ve arrived! I’m there!” And you don’t feel very different from what you always felt.

And there’s a massive letdown, because you feel there’s a hoax. And there was a hoax. A dreadful hoax. They made you miss everything. By expectation and conformity. Because you never really lived or did the things you always wanted to.

Look at the people who live to retire, and put those savings away. And then when they’re sixty-five, and they don’t have any energy left, they’re more or less numb and lifeless, they go and rot in an old people’s “senior citizens” community.

Because we’ve simply cheated ourselves, the whole way down the line. We thought of life by analogy was a journey, was a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end. And the thing was to get to that end. Success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you’re dead.

But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing, and you were supposed to sing, or to dance, while the music was being played.

Break free.

Live the life YOU want and live well every step of the way.

Have a great week.

Cheers!

Life awaits

As I sit at my office desk at work –  It’s a busy Monday, I still have to fix all my appointments for the week but I found half an hour of free time to write a bit.

I’m 25, running my own business which is steadily growing. I’m going to enroll into music school to learn pro production. Apart from that I’m learning real estate and broking a few deals as well. I’m doing a little Dj-ing on the side as well and coaching football to amazingly talented young kids.  Life is going great career wise! But theres so much to do and so little time it makes me want more than 24 hours in a day.

Well life. Damn theres so much more to go. Im only 25.  Thats only quarter of the way there well I’m not going to live till a 100 but you get my point.

The past – I can write a damn book. And I am. Haha. Well the past for me is a twisted dark one. Its going to stay buried deep in the depths of my mind as I try to erase it bit by bit. We all tend to waste to much time thinking of the past and I see no point really. It happened. It’s over. It’s done. Theres no use clinging on to it – it’ll just mind fuck you further. Forgive yourself and others for the mistakes, learn from them and get the fuck on with it! If my past wasn’t such a dark one I would look back fondly but in the midst of all that darkness there were a few moments of light that I cherish. But thats about it. Theres not much I can smile about from my past, a little bit but not much. So thats that. Cue Eminem cleaning out my closet. Fuck theres no way I’m digging back anything from my past. It’s staying locked in the closet. Fuck you past! A giant middle finger to you !

People – People man,I would like to say what would I do without you and all that jazz but I can’t. People in my life have been come and go. Nobody stuck so I don’t hold on to them. Fuck that.  The ones who stuck around now, well cheers to you’ll we’ll get a beer. The ones that didn’t bascially its a giant fuck you again.  But to all of you who value people so much, trust me when times are good and they’re there,once shit hits the fan people show you their true colors. My advice dont hold on to people. Its the dumbest thing you could do.

Money – The root of all evil. My advice. Make a lot of it. Trust me its not everything in life but you need it. I repeat Make a lot of it. And about people again when you have a lot of it people will swarm you when your broke and in the dumps theres not a soul that will give you company. Dont waste it. Save and Invest. Make a lot of it.

Love – Well i do believe in the dream. But if it wasn’t so unkind to me I wouldn’t be so fucked up about finding it. If you have love fine, your good,for now. If you don’t well don’t sit around waiting for it. Do your shit. Go find it if thats what will make you happy. but trust me again – not everything in life neither is sex. Sex is fantastic but its not something you need to break your head about- if your desperate, get a fucking hooker.  Anyway Theres no way im getting tied down in my twenties man, damn every single married person I know hates it , it has its honeymoon period like all good marriages do but after that its a trap. It’s a fucking trap and when kids come into the picture you’re fucked. Its a beautiful thing and all. But nah, not something I want to do in my twenties. Live your life first before you settle down. Just my advice. Don’t commit to somebody who is not going to stick with you through thick and thin. Find the one and make sure they can stick with you whether your broke or in jail or going to war and never coming back. Be a purist, find the one. Don’t get married in your twenties. Travel, laugh, spend time together, get to really know them and enjoy your life together. Your twenties are the litmus test, if they stick past 8 years put a fucking ring on them. I mean I’m a hoplesss romantic but man the women in my life have barely stuck around so you know I really don’t know whether it’s them or it’s me. But fuck it  I got no time to think about all of them. I love you all just so you know but I’m still about finding the one. I will find you the one. I’m no expert but
all I can say is you’ll figure it out.

Music – What would the world be without music?It takes your mind to places nothing else can. It cheers you up. It’s good for your brain. Its the language of the universe. Listen to a lot and if you can make some. It’s spectacular.

Drugs – Try them once. Its an experience. Don’t get addicted thats all. Again its not life so dont get to the point where you need it. I’m going to be a bad person for saying this but drugs have taught me more about life than anything else. Just dont do them if you can’t handle them. Stay clean!

Travel – Give me a fucking boat! Travel – A lot. Its the best fucking feeling. Get to know people on the way. See the majesty the world has to offer. Solo or with friends or with that special someone. It doesn’t matter. Pack your bags and leave whenever, fuck everything. Enjoy travelling just make sure it doesnt stress you. Relax while travelling, I hate those stressful trips. It’s about those sun rises and sun sets in far away lands.
Travel a lot- thats a life well lived.

Work – You’re here for one fucking reason. It’s to work. So work your fucking ass off and make a lot of money. Do what makes you happiest and you wont feel like its work at all. Work hard. Be self sufficient. Put your head down and dont complain you chuts.

Family- Everything for the family. Those sick twisted people who brought you up yes they’re crazy but you gotta love them no matter what they do to you. When shit hits the fan whether they caused it or you they’re there so love them and cherish them theyll die one day and you’ll regret grudges. When you make one on your own love fight and do everything in your power to make them smile. Italian mob boss style keep the family close
always.

Alcohol – Do not over do it. Trust me just dont over do it. Be a social drunk. Dont go more than 3 drinks, okay 5. Thats the rule of thumb. More than 3 or 5 and more often than not its going to end badly. always. Prost! Saunte! Cheers! Talli!

Grudges – Do not hold them. Forgive. Make peace with all.

Football – Haha had to add this one. The best game in the world. If you don’t watch or follow or play you’re missing out on sheer brilliance. Watching those 11 men I absolutely do not know only have the badge on their chests in common for those 90 + minutes feels fucking fantastic. The thrills, the excitement, the art. Fucking love it – Get in! Cmon Chelsea!

Books – Fucking read you idiots read! Theres a vast ocean of knowledge and wealth in those things. Read a lot. If you dont you’re an idiot!

Kids – Love them little creatures the best thing about the world but just don’t raise them in your twenties thats wasting your youth. A lot of responsibility. Find a partner first and don’t fucking get knocked up for fucks sake. Create them one day. But trust me its a lot of responsibility and work its a beautiful thing but keep it for later in your life.

Food – Don’t over do it. Eat to live not live to eat. Enjoy each meal. Be thankful you have some. Eat your veggies.

Water – Drink lots and swim in lots. Love that liquid. Its a good necessary liquid. Haha

Art – Appreciate it. Dont know much about it but good things to look at i guess.

Spirituality – You need it. Finding peace for your soul is paramouont. And might as well have God on your side. Like I say if you’re an atheist we’ll see when the plane starts falling.

Women – Love them. Don’t break their fragile hearts and don’t make them cry. Love them. They’re beautiful. Find that special someone.

Things – Cars, Clothes everthing money can buy. Honestly I couldnt care less. Just buy shit that you need and dont waste your money on shit you dont.

Animals – Just dont get eaten by one. They’re awesome at a distance and the pets are great but really just don’t get eaten by one.

Body – It’s your temple. Treat it well. Stay healthy and fit always. Don’t abuse it

For everything else i’ve missed. I can’t think too much at lunch at work.

Anyway its been fun writing this piece. But I really have to get back to work now. Nice lunch.

I”m Forever finding things to get my kicks. Might as well get my kicks until the whole shit house goes up in flames, Ok I stole that from Jim Morrsion but anyway.

Life awaits ! Here’s to another 25 special years!

Live well.

Cheers ! Have a great week.