Words fail me as I right this piece tonight. It’s half an hour past midnight and I did go about my day’s work as usual, especially the new assignment that I’m undertaking, consulting for my friend’s new upcoming venture. But this morning, something absolutely tragic happened. A plane carrying 81 people, the most of whom were football players, managers, coaches and staff from a little known Brazilian football club called Chapecoense FC crashed near Medellin in Columbia killing 75 of them.
There were only 6 surviours – Three players, two crew members and a journalist. The news came in this morning and shocked the entire football world. They had just qualified for the Copa Sudamericana final and many were dubbing them the Leicester City of South American football. Videos and photographs emerged of them celebrating just the day before and taking selfies on the flight itself. It’s just tragic what happened. May their souls R.I.P 😥
For some reason I was thinking about it all day, I don’t know why. It was this feeling of a supermassive, constant lull the whole day for me, I really don’t know why. It just hit me hard, surprisingly it didn’t happen when my aunt passed away a couple of years ago, neither did it happen when my uncle passed away last year, but today I felt it, I thought about them. I thought about how I called up my aunt to go meet her but she told me she was sick and the next month she passed away, I thought about when I messaged my uncle’s American wife telling her not to worry and that he would recover, but he passed away soon after as well.
I was just thinking and deeply thinking at that, about how honestly, you just never know when your life will end. I think if we all realise how truly close we are to death, we would surely live our lives better. It’s a heartbeat away, it can come suddenly, unplanned for, on your next walk, taxi ride, flight whatever. Of course the chances are slim but you just never know right? It’s just something we don’t think about too often.
The thoughts just all came one after another – First it was, what if I never get to see the girl I love the most again and tell her everything I always wanted to tell her? Or take her where I want to take her and do everything that I’ve always wanted to do with her? Of how much I’ve thought about her all these years and how stupid I feel for not making up despite everything. Or telling her that she meant the most to me on this planet – and that is the truth. Of all the bullshit I’ve gone through without her and how much I’ve needed her to just be there for me and guide me, like she used to. I don’t know, she was just the first person I thought about and I felt something for her today for a change. Lately, for the past 3 months or so I was just feeling everything for her dying slowly as time passed.
But you know people don’t fucking think about all that. They’re stupid. They take everything for fucking granted and hold on to petty things and stupid fucking incidents, mistakes, fights, words said and what other people tell them to do and all that bullshit. They put all that shit above what’s really important – being true to themselves – and come up with reasons to justify things. It’s such bullshit man – Low intelligence, low empathetic thinking.
You know would she ever think – ‘Fuck, he needs me now.. I should just put everything aside and forgive him and be with him because I loved him and he needs me. I want to do this for him and not for me. I don’t care what people say about him. I don’t care what people think about him. I just want to be with him.. despite everything’ But no! Why would she do that? I doubt whether such a thought process has even come to her. It’s just sad.
Then one day they’re old and they’re going to die and they’re looking back at their life and their youth and it just hits them like a wrecking ball – that fuck, I should have just made peace and done what my heart told me to.
Then I just brushed it aside with my usual shit like – ‘Theres no use thinking about all this’ ‘Just thoughts, let them flow’ and all that. But sometimes you know, my thoughts make a lot of sense.
What if I never get to do all the things I want to do before I die?
People are so afraid to do what they really want to do and say what they really want to say. That’s just how humans are. They’re fucking afraid. You know just speak your fucking mind and be true to yourself. Of course not if it’s going to hurt another person – be empathetic.
And there are so many fucking mind games when it comes to speaking to the opposite sex that it’s not even funny. And you can’t blame people – you know, ask a girl out too soon and she’ll block you or friend zone you or whatever. All that retarded behaviour. It’s happened to me as well man and it’s just fucking stupid. Fuck, honestly, just speak your mind. Just for all that is true and real in the world – speak your fucking mind and do what you truly feel.
That way I’m much better off than most people. I don’t think too much about all that shit. I just speak my mind and do what I want when I feel something. The last girl I liked, I asked her out because I felt like it and she blocked me. Fuck it. What a small mind. I’m fucking glad she did.
Honestly and this is the truth – I have only encountered such small minds when it comes women in my life. It’s just a fact. You know I hope I actually get to meet somebody with an open mind for a change. That would be nice. At this moment, I’m stuck between thinking the girl I loved the most(the past) and something new(the future). But I just don’t want to want to get dragged into all that, you know fuck it. So I’ll just focus on the moment. One hour at a time, one day at a time.
So yeah – You know, do what you truly want to do(forget everyone and everything said, done, all the advice, all the shit) speak your mind and of course make peace. Don’t hold on to grudges and stuff – you’ll just regret it when you’re older, trust me, maybe not now but surely later. Make peace and forgive. I did that and it’s liberating. That’s the best advice I can give you.
And it’s not just me who is saying this after today. This is what this blessed soul said eons ago!
And this is what one of my favourite movies ever said – Fight Club. Here is Tyler Durden laying the truth down.
You just have to truly realise it. Death is coming one day, all of a sudden. Your life is ticking away every second. You know so what are you gonna do about it?
Be fucking true to yourself at least.
Don’t fucking sell out for money, power, image, status, comfort, to please others. Don’t be hampered by other’s perceptions and listen to their will. Be true to you. Be you. Do what you want you really want to do.
Anyway, I got a bit side-tracked, I sincerely hope all those players, staff etc are in a better place. My thoughts go out to all their family and friends 😥
I made this playlist a few hours back and it’s a nice one. So have a listen and enjoy it !
Anyway it’s been a day of reflection for me but this one is for all those lost lives.
That will be all for today.
The sky turned black that morning for those players.