Being A Single Indian Guy in his mid 20s- The State Of Indian Bars, Gigs and Dating Culture and the Death of Conversation

Every time I walk into an Indian bar or club, there are like 50 different groups of friends, dancing and waving their hands in the air in little circles. It’s like it’s a fucking formation or something. A fucking circus formation. 50 fucking groups or more. All just dancing or doing whatever and absorbed in their little fucking circles. Is it just me that finds this funny as fuck?

Which is so different in say Europe or the US. Maybe it’s the whole friends vibe. You know “Awww friends. Let’s be friends. Awww friends. I love my friends. Little friendly friends everywhere. Let’s do everything with friends. Let’s stay with our friends all night and only talk to them and take pictures with them. Friends are life. Friends are for life.” And shit like that.

Maybe people here have just never experienced going anywhere alone, say walking into a bar alone and sipping a drink and eating a meal all by themselves and chilling to the music. Maybe you’ve done it in a different country or city but not here. Try it for a change. It’s not being a loner or loser. It’s just about chilling out by yourself, which is pretty enjoyable. It takes more balls to do that than to go in the comfort zone of a group.

Indian Women as well. Have you ever gone anywhere without company? Maybe some of you have, very few though. Ok maybe in some Indian cities in the country it’s dangerous to do that so it’s understandable. But not at all in Bombay, at least from my life here.

So I know company is good and all that but honestly, all the fucking time? The same or slightly different people? Seriously? Also the fact that Indian women are always in such groups and extremely unapproachable makes it even more fucked.

If you’re a single guy in his 20s and find the courage after a few drinks to go talk to that cute girl across bar. Guess what? Shes in a fucking GROUP!

Sorry buddy but unless you know someone in that group or have common friends with that girl you’re basically fucked, with no chance that is.

So it goes like this.. You approach her, mustering all the alcohol induced courage in you and her lady friends laugh at you or are secretly jealous of her because she got approached by you in the first place or whatever the fuck and tell you to fuck off or worse they might even create a scene, if they’re really drunk! It’s that fucking bad.

OR if shes in a group with guy friends, of course the prick dude friend of hers who secretly likes her tells you to get away from her like you’re gonna rape her or something.

The looks and replies you get from people here are just shocking. It’s simply SHOCKING.

What the fuck for? For being a HUMAN being and being slightly attracted to the opposite sex and trying to have a conversation?

Indian women… For the sake of all that is good in the world, If a guy walks up to you at a bar/club and talks to you.. Just politely reply and have a CONVERSATION.

Chances are he was shitting bricks before he approached you. There is no fucking hidden agenda. Every guy that tries to talk to you doesn’t want to sleep with you instantly or is trying to get physical with you or whatever you may think. Maybe he just wants to have a small conversation because he’s bored out of his mind, a little tipsy and thinks you’re kinda cute and wants to see if you have some brains, enough to have a decent enough conversation. Does that happen more or less these days? or does it even happen at all?

Or if it’s a group of single ladies out at a bar… You’ll sit and check out all the guys in the room, and keep checking out the good looking ones, wishing they come talk to you or whatever and then they don’t NOT BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT GOOD LOOKING OR ATTRACTIVE because YOU’RE IN A FUCKING GROUP AND THAT IS INTIMIDATING AS FUCK to most of them at least. Especially if they don’t have a wing-man or some friends with them and are alone.

Then… you don’t do anything and just get smashed as fuck with your lady friends and go home wishing that guy came upto you and spoke to you.

Ok, if you just want to chill with your friends and not care about anything, then that’s also fine. Do what you want basically.

I mean it’s hard enough to have the courage to talk to one pretty girl at a bar and you seriously expect guys to waltz into a group of friends and actually talk to you?

Sorry hun, but that’s just delusional.

But if you think some guy is good looking. Maybe you could go talk to him? But yeah the dude may be in GROUP as well. So it’s canner there. But if he’s alone and you think he’s cute GO FUCKING TALK !

How many of you women have approached a guy and started a conversation? Barely any. I know it’s not conventional but it happens, although very very rarely.

Me and my buddy have been picked up by two women ONCE, just once in 21 years in Bombay! Haha! I was in Manipal(college) for 5 years.

That’s an alarmingly shocking statistic.

Indian women, Fucking chill out. It’s called having a CONVERSATION, nothing more and nothing less. It’s basic human attraction. Who knows? If things lead to other things, like you actually liking the guy(YES THAT CAN HAPPEN) and him taking your number or something more, whatever, then it does.

But if you’re guarded by some fucking Indian guy friends who think they are fucking bodyguards of yours or surrounded by a group of a lot of your female friends how the fuck are you going to know?

Manipal(my college) was different, it was beautiful, there were all like minded people from all over the country just there to have a good time, talking and having conversation, chilling and enjoying the night and of course doing all the alcohol and pot induced stupid shit you can think of that happens in college. There was the stuff that makes a good story now, there were relationships, hook-ups all kinds of shit or just nothing other than a good old fashioned chilled night, getting high with all the awesome people around you.

In Manipal, in college, people were more open minded and open to conversations and new people.

But now we’re all back home and we’re all working, dealing with out own shit and get out maybe once on the weekend and stuff, if possible, and guess what we’re all in fucking GROUPS just getting smashed out of our skulls.

Even if we go alone, we barely try to talk to any women just because of the simple fact that 95% of the time we tried and YOU TOLD US TO FUCK OFF.

Or if its a gig,… There are the “trippers” or whatever flipping in one corner on god knows what substance or sometimes just drunk out of their minds or even sober in some cases and they go pretty crazy, I’m talking about like rows and rows of fucking dudes just doing some shit on their own. If you can call that dancing. It’s more like waving your hands around ferociously. No offense, I’m not judging but just observing.

I have been to proper raves and I get the actual scene. You know back in the day in Goa and stuff at 9 Bar, Curlies, Shiva Valley, Hill Top, Vagator etc. I don’t know who has experienced what. That is understandable though but after a while doesn’t that get fucking boring? Don’t you grow out of that phase of listening to loud as fuck Electronic music beats, especially fucking Psychedelic music and dancing to it? It was a phase. I liked it. It was different to experience. It was more of an eye-opening experience. Not a way of life. Of course some of my psy head buddies will argue otherwise! Haha, but hey to each his own

Personally, I grew out of that phase. I loved it while it lasted but I got fed up of it. I grew older. I didn’t like the music or that shit anymore.

So if the gig is some other kind of music. Techno, House, EDM, DnB or whatever

The so called “hard-trippers” or so they think are doing that shit.
Then there are the pot heads who are too baked to give a shit about anything and want to constantly toke outside, then the couples who need to get a room(they’re holding each other so tightly it’s like they’ll die if they are separated or something),

Then of course the GROUPS.. dancing in little circles waving their hands in the air except this time they’re facing the DJ.

And of course you only go to these things with your GROUP of friends, you know the Random Dude+7 and Random Dude+10 groups… and then you talk only to your friends or common friends, basically known people, because unless a guy asks you for a light outside or is known through a common friend or something he’s a outsider, a stranger, he’s a creep or something.

Indian guys who go walk up to unknown women and talk to them, I salute you. I know what it’s like to be rejected most of the time if not all the time and face all kinds of bullshit. The women that I did end up having a conversation with and things that led to other things, you’ll are the REAL women around here. I respect you’ll. We had some good times and I’m glad I got to know you’ll.

Let’s face it, anywhere in the world looks are everything initially at least, all that bullshit about beauty on the inside is a load of horse-shit. Everybody knows it. So if you’re not genetically blessed with good looks or ripped as fuck, your chances are pretty slim, unless you are on GOD level mode of picking up women or something. In India, they’re even slimmer.

Indian Women, do you know that guys in this country are fucking scared out of their balls to come up to you and talk to you? Most of them at least. They prefer to just not. Many of them never have. You wanna be approached by guys ? GET OUT OF YOUR GROUP AND BE APPROACHABLE.

Indian Women.. If You wanna meet someone chilled? BE APPROACHABLE OR JUST GO UP TO THE GUY AND HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH THE GUY YOU THINK IS GOOD LOOKING. Chances are you’ll never see him again. Make the move. Go talk. You’re not being desperate you’re being HUMAN. I mean if women responded better it we would do it only. If you’re a good looking woman and you think you’re pretty as hell and a lot of you’ll are, at least TALK to the guy who approached you. Honestly it’s no big deal. Don’t be so stuck up for fucks sake. Or just be POLITE when a guy tries to talk to you. It took him a lot of effort to come over to you and say something in itself, even if he got nervous and said something stupid.

Married couples obviously, it doesn’t apply to you’ll but just food for thought.. How many of you married couples started out as friends in the same group or in a common friend circle? Haha. Yeah so, odds are a lot of you’ll were.

Again of course results vary and it’s subjective and I have nothing against you married folk. I’m simply observing what I have seen around me.

But that’s what fucking happens in this country.

People prefer to be friends. Friends are what is in. Friends are what works. Being friends is the pathway to a relationship, here in India at least. Indian women let these “friends” more into their lives and allow them to get closer to them than anybody else.  It’s the norm here. And it’s fucking retarded! I’m not saying it’s bad or wrong or something. But to me, I find that an absolutely fucking retarded thing. Because who the fuck sleeps with friends man!?? I mean I don’t.  Haha. Because for a proper, old school, solo guy like me, to get out and meet new women is FUCKED. It’s properly FUCKED by all you farcical friendly bastards.

Indian women, If the guy has intentions of eventually sleeping with you or even something nobler like dating you from the beginning and doesn’t tell you the whole time until after he is close enough to you as a “friend” and you keep talking to him. Aren’t you just being played? Isn’t that a proper JOB,  a SCAM and not REAL?

He fucking played you. Think about it.

Because that is what fucking happens! And this has happened to a shitload of people I know.

Of course again results vary and things are different and some people actually fall in love and shit. But hey this is just an observation.

Love should be REAL you know. Like as REAL as shit gets in life. It should happen on it’s own. It should come from both people. It has to be natural.Not some forced shit.

Of course not every friend is that way, some people are just friends like properly just to chill. You know, the way it should be. Props. Stay chilled. S/o to you my friends who are women, cheers!

Anyway so coming back, So Indian women I get that you love you friends and shit everybody does but there is world of possibilities outside that zone of yours. Maybe it’s the comfort zone. Maybe it’s the herd mentality. What’s the deal with Indian women man, honestly? why so many mind games? Like seriously! If a guy talks to you, why can’t you even respond properly? If you don’t like him or don’t want to be bothered then say so NICELY with some respect.

Of course nowadays you prefer if some dick is swiping right for you on Tinder, because how classy is that. Tinder dates are so much more classy man. Lol.

I just don’t get it. Whenever I’ve gone to any part of the world. People come up to me and talk to me or I approach them and we talk and chill, like it’s so natural.

Honestly, Just be chilled. The point of my night is not to get with women every single night it’s to have a good time, feel good and meet new people and just chill you know.

Of course pick ups exist in India and it happens and shit. But the chances of that happening are rare and slim in this day and age and especially in this country.

And what about the guys who don’t want to pick you up? The ones who actually just want to get to know you! And think you’re pretty! But NOOOO you have your fucking “friends”

Just fucking talk to people and chill. Be more open about shit and not so guarded all the time and have a more open mind. Maybe the guy just wants to get to know you or is just bored and wants to have a conversation.

But this culture and psyche in India is quite fucked very honestly. And it’s so fucking shit that I absolutely hate going for any of these scenes or going to bars by myself anymore. But I will in a foreign country. For fucking sure. Obviously the main aim to is to see the country but I will meet and talk to people in the future in all the countries I visit, just to have conversation, get to know the way of life, have a good time.

And all of this happens because they have an open mind and are genuinely interested in talking to new people, unlike this country.

Maybe it’s just my experiences or that of my friends. But honestly I cannot even begin to tell you how shit this country’s dating, bar and gig scene is. Ok, Sometimes you honestly don’t give a fuck about anybody and just wanna sip your drink, eat something and enjoy the music and scene and leave. That’s also understandable, do what you want basically.

Maybe I’m just old school. Maybe I just like to chill at bars, sip my drink, eat some good food, enjoy some music and talk to random people. At least I used to until I gave up drinking.

Honestly, get fucking out of your fucking groups man are you’ll like teenagers or something? Obviously not everybody is like this there are 5% who get this. They are approachable. You can talk to them. They’re chilled. They get it. They understand. They don’t judge or overthink.

The question is when are you gonna get on the same wavelength and break out ? Lol

I mean I want something REAL man. Enough of this chasing after you bullshit. No ego superiority battles. No mind games. No fucking tinder dates. No fucking bullshit. I’m tired of the failed relationships. All the mind-fuck basically. Where is the will to chill? Haha. Just find a girl who actually wants to be with me, in whatever way she enters my life. Naturally. Not forced and fucking as REAL as it can be in life.


I mean it’s no biggie to do that. Seriously.

Also to add, the music is absolute shite at most places here except a few places and scenes, again everybody likes something according to their tastes. For me, music is pretty important and I cannot fucking stand EDM or Hindi music, anything other than that is fine.

Also my friends in bands, DJs and singers etc I don’t mean you’ll.

Just some thoughts, I wish India was as open minded as say Europe or the US or Australia or wherever else people are chilled enough to just fucking have CONVERSATIONS. Honestly I can’t wait to get out of here.

It’s a fucking pain trying to meet new people here, but of course if a foreigner approaches you, then you will talk to him/her! Haha.

It’s fucking sad that is all.

Have a great weekend. Cheers!


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