Die Fly

 

In the old days I would say,  “Come sit, Spark that shit” or “Take a hit” when someone came to meet me. I was high and mighty back in the day, sitting on my bean bag like it was my throne in my room on the top floor of a duplex penthouse in Manipal. My room opened on to the terrace which was a fantastic eagle’s eye view of all of the quaint little town. Fuckin loved that house. People would come up to meet me and listen to my ideas and that’s how I would greet them, make them sit and take a hit with me before we discussed business. Almost like a psuedo-mafioso except missing them kissing the ring -Don Corleone and Tony Montana would have been proud. We practically controlled the maal supply in Manipal and our cupboards would be full of half and quarter kilos of green. Haha, those were the good days.

I was in love with a beautiful, fun-loving, cheerful and amazing girl who loved me a lot too or at least that’s what I thought and I would go meet her religiously once and month or two in Bangalore. Yeah mostly from hustled money. Life was perfect. After we broke up there was another who I really liked, she was the cutest.We had a wild time in Manipal all those parties , I was stoned 2 years straight ! Haha. We broke up to , she cheated on me with a prick who we ragged and made lick our shoes. Talk about bad choices – A thing all me exes have in common. Haha, It’s the truth you’ll know it. A lot of random flings through the years as well. Love life was one giant drama basically – I learned a lot. One other thing – they fucked me more in the head than where they were supposed too. Fuck ’em

Anyway, I played football every fucking day and Dj-ed at the local pub at night. I was almost like a celebrity in college, everyone the fuck knew me even if I did’nt know them and as we reveled the night away drowned in alcohol and mary jane – It was an insane party man and everything about life was fucking fantastic.

The swagger with which I walked around in those days was un-paralleled. King of the world. I had the world at my feet as I headed into my final project semester.

Then I fucked it all up with drug addiction and shit basically hit the fan. All those Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings where I would say , “Hi, I’m Gaurav and I’m a drug addict” those mindfucking 12 steps. And when I was thrown into the dumps – not a soul – not a single person was there to have my back.My family shunned me. The girl – showed her true colours and never called me since. So much for love. So much for friends. So much for family. They all showed me their true colours. Fuck ’em

I was rotting in jail cells(3), correctional facilities(2) and the works man, life became hell and it was devastating, mentally. I couldn’t take it I broke down – Into a million little pieces. So much for high and mighty, eh.

But thats just life – Nobody knows you when you’re down and out – Lesson Learned.

After a lot of therapy , reading and spending time getting in touch with my soul and connecting with the higher power – the almighty. (Om namah Shivaya) “In a daze coz I found God” ~Nirvana.

And not to mention one failed suicide attempt, yes it’s true, no shame in admitting it – Darkest hour of my life. Drank a bottle, downed some cough syrup – Cut myself multiple times and tied a noose to the fan, almost stepped off the bed only to back out at the last second. One step or if I slipped, I would’ve been no more. No more Gaurav Krishnan. Eat that all of you that loved me.

To all my exes – I fucking loved you’ll. We could have been something spectacular. But when I needed you’ll the most you’ll showed me your true nature. You listened to the others and didn’t flinch when I tried to get through to you’ll. I was at my darkest hour. Just a lousy message or a call to just ask me how I was and how I had been and it would have saved me from doing all that shit to myself. I would’ve probably broke down on the phone and told you everything. But what did you’ll do? just think to yourselves- Shame on you’ll man , yuck to think I fucking ever loved you’ll. Yuck, I’m just sorry for your souls man just sorry – I pity you’ll. I’ve seen your pictures. You’ll look lovely, but empty yeah I can see it in your eyes as you’ll are empty because I’m not by your side anymore and I’m never coming back – Go on and live in this facade that you put on along with your make up. I looked at you’ll all those years ago in bed and saw right into your souls and told you’ll how beautiful you’ll were( you’ll were angels) and how perfect we were together and how much you’ll meant to me. And this is how I got repayed. I almost died bhenchod. I almost died let that sink in for a second. Never again. Not happening, Not in this life. Fuck, seriously never again.  Don’t  even try to call me or get in touch with me. Ever. “This is the end beautiful friend – I’ll never look into your eyes again” Yeah and those videos sit and lock yoursleves when you’re alone and play them over and over see the life in my eyes and the life in my words – That’s what was one step away from being gone. And you’ll are never seeing that ever again. And guess what, I’m back from the depths of hell and I’m stronger than ever. I’m going to find her and she’s going to be the one for me and it’s not going to be you. It’s not going to be us. Like you always wanted and still do. Eat my words, love.

Anyway 6 years later, I’ve bounced back like a Michael Jordan slam fucking dunk in over-time.

I’m running a fantastic enterprise, making all the right moves  in the city that I love, growing steadily and once again I have the whole world at my feet, just like the old days.

My story will be told in a book I’m writing called – Unbeatable – but all I want to say is to all the people out there battling life and going through addiction, poverty, everyday mindfuck and living in hell basically. whatever it is.

It’s all upto you. No matter what you go through, however bad it may be. It’s upto you how you take it – Let it get to you, succumb to it and be defeated – Or take it to those son’s of bitches who pulled you down and ridiculed you and fight! Fucking fight ! However difficult it may be, fucking fight and go on and show the world what the fuck you’re made of.

There’s always a way out. The easy way is to give in to it. I know how bad it can be- Screaming into the vast nothingness for help and nothing the fuck answers. Even if its the only thing you can do. Attack your problems grab that fucking bull by its horns.

Stay, Breathe, Be strong.

Live, Fight, Take it.

And most of all,

Die Fly .

 

With love

Gaurav.

Bang this #doof

 

 

 

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