Cold. Numb. Tired. Can’t Sleep. I should feel something. No Remorse. Listening. G2GR. WITC. Need something. Light Cigarette. Inhale. Exhale. Watch the smoke.
Play next track. Listening to the seconds hand of my clock tick. Stare at ceiling. Blow out circles. Think. Write
It’s 2.40 am I can’t sleep, I’m writing because its the only thing that will tire me and hopefully I fall asleep. I’m smoking my 8th cigarette in the last hour and a half. Will I get cancer? Fuck knows. I mean it’ll be painful if I do but we all gotta go somehow, someday right?
As I listen to the beats bar by bar I can feel myself slowly nodding my head and enjoying the sounds hitting my ear drums sending the signals into my brain, playing with it almost.
The dark thoughts begin to creep in. I smile.
About death, which is on my mind right now, ok I’m not thinking about suicide, been there done that, Ha. You have too, don’t fucking lie. You’re human, you’ve thought about it at least once. Anyway well I view it in a way probably nobody else does. You won’t get it.
It’s that ever elusive moment that is uncertain, unplanned for coming swiftly one sudden moment and then its over. You’re liberated. It’s beautiful. It’s freedom. I mean we spend our whole lives trying to stop it, but what the fuck is the point? It’s going to happen one fine day, yeah hope it’s a fine day and not a shitty one, wouldn’t want to go out on a shitty one. Anyway what I’m trying to say is, it’s something that you must embrace. It’s something you must accept. The day you accept death as the eventuality and not be scared about it, is the day you are truly free. It’s that moment that is inevitable and no amout of effort or preparation can prepare you for it. It’s the one moment that I’m eager to face. No I don’t have a death wish. But like I said you won’t get it.
Maybe I took Jim Morrison too seriously, but he got it and I relate to that. His lyrics, his poetry, his life, with that dark edge. He fucking got it, just like I do. I mean honestly what the fuck? Doesn’t all this get to you at times? It’s monotonous, dreary, dull, boring, the same old shit, chasing after the moolah every single breath of your life and then what? So you did it, you became successful, and then what? What the fuck are you going to spend it on? Houses, Clothes Cars, A Boat, A plane, Hookers, a fucking washing machine? Exactly, you just quietly wait for the day you die.
So you get the drift? What is there to fear about it so much? Fucking pussies, its going to happen. It’s not in your control. So embrace it and accept it. Embrace and accept. And live every moment like your next breath is your last. I mean look at the clock. What do you see? You probably see the time like everybody else, Ohh next fucking appointment, next thing to do, fuck that. I look at the seconds ticking away and think there look, this is my life ending one second at a fucking time and what the fuck am I doing about it? Huh?.
Might as well light that cigarette and puff it for a bit. That fucking sun is going to rise and set again and again and again till the end of time and you’re just going to wither away and fade into mother earth. People die, life goes on, nobody truly gives a shit whether you’re here one day and gone the next they’ve got their own shit to deal with. People, after every single death since the beginning of mankind follow the same pattern, they’ll mourn for a bit, they’ll cry, people will console them, give it a couple of months and life goes on. Give it 6 and they’re back to the everyday struggle. You get my point, life is cheap. It isn’t worth much. So there’s no point being so paranoid about dying. Fucking relax enjoy your life while it lasts, dumbasses, don’t take measures trying to prolong your life or stop death. Just breathe and let it flow.
We’re the middle children of history, we’ve got no purpose,no place, we got no obligation to live, we’ve don’t owe anybody anything, we’ve got no great war, we’ve got no great depression, our great war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives. We’ve been raised on television and advertising which has made us vicious consumers, making us buy shit we don’t need to the point where they make us think we can’t live without those things, meanwhile the corporations are getting fatter bank balances and higher sales while some dickhead sitting in a corner office on the top floor of some massive building gets a fatter paycheck which he is going to spend on a brand new car for his bimbo of a wife who has fake tits and bad breath, and then another dick head a greedy little analyst on wall street is seeing all this unfold not because the first dickhead told him but the financial statements all check the little check markers and its a brilliant investment, so he tells his boss so he can get a raise, meanwhile his boss who is a cocaine snorting hedge fund manager who has diabetes and dreams of emulating warren buffet decides to buy more shares and pump in more money into the machine and guess what that very same corporation that sold you the shit you dint need gets more funds to put the same products and advertisements out there. And the cycle continues. Ok so I guess Osama Bin Laden, sitting watching his tv screen and those shitty ads dubbed in arabic, got wind of all this and decided fuck it lets send a plane through their fucking world trade center and then see how it fucking functions, can’t blame the guy.
It’s not the 1920’s or the 1940’s Hitler is dead. People don’t ride horses to work anymore. It’s fucking 2016 we have Elon Musk sending shit into space for fun and making electric vehicles down on earth. It’s the information age, where every kid with a laptop and a dream has access to millions of gigabytes of data and after he jacks off to some hot blondes in a threesome can virtually decide whether he wants to read up on the exact same system and decide what he can do to be part of it or on the flipside he can hack into the fucking bank accounts of those very same corporations and fund the next batch of arms for his brothers and comrades so they can bomb the fuck out of their rival nations for more oil. What the fuck do you think ISIS does? It’s planned, organized violence for oil and money nothing more fueled by the greed of their corrupt leaders who have in all probability been created by the United States to do exactly just that. The God part of it and Jihad is just the facade. At the very same moment a soldier is saying goodbye to his wife and son knowing he’s not coming back because he’s going straight into that hell hole in the name of freedom and fighting for what he thinks is mindless terrorism and not a worldwide conspiracy and racket for – guess what more money and oil.
Meanwhile, innocent people are fleeing countries like Syria because guess what that kid with the laptop just bombed their kitchen and the little babies in their family have gone permanently deaf. If aids, swine flu, malaria or ebola doesn’t kill them the journey into Europe will.
It’s a sick fucking twisted world we live in. And you are more worried about when you are going to impress that hot girl you like and eventually get laid or better yet get married in an big fat fucking indian wedding. Ohh that would be nice wouldn’t it?
While more and more people mindlessly log onto facebook just liking the fuck out of your wedding pictures and everything else and dreaming of the day they get to attend that big enagement party with all those fake, judgemental, pretty little liars of women who want a prince charming to marry them too or maybe travel on that fucking boat popping a bottle of Dom Perignon just like the picture they liked with tank top and ray ban wearing dickhead Bob who posted it on his vacation with Daddy’s money who incidentally is the same dickhead who was sitting in that corner office of the corporation that sold you the shit you could have easily done without in the first place. You feel me?
It’s a viscious never ending cycle, of consumerism and corrupt politics and propaganda which will go on whether you decide to hang yourself or not and there’ll be people who probably think I’m crazy but this is the truth. Righteousness is overrated and the world is the giant machine that spits out new ideas to marginalize the poor further and use the middle class to work as mindless slaves to put more money into the pockets of the
top 1% of the global population for whom every single policy in every single government is made all over the world. It’s a central bank run worldwide government where every single politician is a mere puppet and if the Bilderbergs don’t like any one of the politicians he’s dead just like that while they discuss worldwide propaganda in that secret hotel in Amsterdam every year. And those private banks well they plunge you and me into more and more personal debt because guess what they made you buy shit that you dint need buy borrowing it and that colossal debt ceiling in every country is just raised and raised seemingly into infinity because the money that they were printing is just a series of glorified IOUs and is created out of nothing ! It has no gold to back it up like the old days and it’s just printed and printed into infinity and once and once the debt ceiling is hit they’ll just raise it again and print more again and again and again.
When the supply of notes exceeds demand,inflation will increase and things get more and more expensive for lesser quantity so even that poor guy on the street cant buy the bread he could buy for lesser earlier.
So you see we might as well have another Hitler because then at least then we have some purpose.
World War III is inevitable and maybe we wont see it in our lifetime or maybe we will regardless, in all likelihood our future generations will when there is a mad scramble for resources that we constantly deplete each day in the distant future and that is when the Kali Yuga will come into its true light and chaos will reign supreme.
It’s all heading toward annihilation of each other in one way or the other and nothing we do can stop it. Resources will deplete eventually in the far far distant future and if we are unlucky enough to be born that time we’re fucked.
So drink up and eat hearty, hold your little kids tight and tell them a nice bed time story because in the morning that fucking sun rises again and the shit starts again.
I can just hear you say all this is fine but what can we do about it?
Nothing!! That’s my point !
Here’s to making money and dying!
Money, it’s a gas, Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash,
Money, get back, I’m all right Jack keep your hands off of my stack
Money, it’s a hit Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit
Peace out ! Good night!